Radical Authenticity: Removing the Layers

Am I guilty of “spending so much time trying to appear authentic and happy” that I’m exhausting myself? I don’t think that I am. However, I do admit that I’ve not revealed all of the struggles that I face daily while I’m posting on my social media networks. Is that kind of the same thing? This week’s Discover Challenge has me thinking that I should share more of myself and try to be as authentic as possible while I do it. This blog was to be a vehicle to do just that…and yet it sits here, day after day, without a word to show where I’m at or where I want to go.

It also seems like a great place to begin a 31-day blogging challenge that a friend shared on Facebook. So here I go…

Day 1: Introduction

The quick and easy stuff – I’m 39 years old, I’ve been married for almost 19 years, and I have 4 awesome kids. I’m a Christian and my family is very involved with our church. I serve in kids’ ministry and absolutely LOVE it! I volunteer with World Vision as a Child Ambassador and I’m also on the leadership team. I work part-time at a preschool and part-time as an independent distributor for Juice Plus. I have two degrees –  a B.A. in Interdisciplinary Social Sciences (Anthropology and Religious Studies) and a B.A. in English.

Now for some authenticity – I’m still carrying around a lot of weight that should be gone by now – my youngest is 13 so the baby-weight excuse is no longer valid. At my current age, it is difficult to motivate myself into doing the work needed to get rid of it, and it will only get more difficult as time passes. My husband and I have been together for almost 21 years. The first two years of our relationship was hindered by the fact that he was married to someone else. It was complicated and that’s putting it politely…but that’s the truth of it. My oldest son is unfortunately not mine by birth and that made his childhood and my relationship with him just as complicated.

I accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of 12. I was baptized at Heritage Baptist Church in Venice without a single friend or family member present and it still feels like it didn’t count. I know that it did but I miss not having anyone there to witness it. I’ve thought about being baptized again and maybe I will one day, but this is where I’m at now. Working with kids at church always comes with its own challenges, but the truth is I do really love it. All of the children I encounter become my own and I love all of them – no undiscovered tension there.

My volunteer work with World Vision has had years of success, but lately I’ve been in a big slump. I’ve wanted to quit a few times and God keeps pulling me back in. I really don’t understand why. Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost my passion for it, not for the kids or helping them of course, just in trying to find ways to reach new people. It would be great to have just one more successful event or encounter to knock me out of this feeling of failure and defeat.

I don’t particularly like working outside of the house but volunteer work doesn’t pay the bills and right now neither is my Juice Plus business. The second part of that is completely my fault – I’m not putting in the work. I have plans and ideas, but I also have just as many excuses to not get anything done.

As far as my two degrees are concerned, they are useful occasionally in conversations with others or helping the kids with homework, but they are not helping to pay the bills either. And the bills are killing me! I’ve never lived higher than just above the poverty line. I choose to stay home with my kids instead of seeking full-time employment. When they were old enough to be on their own and I did work full-time I was absolutely miserable! So…now I’m back to part-time and we’re struggling week to week again. I’m still not sure if I’m being selfish or if I am truly called into doing something else and this struggle is leading me to it.

So that’s it, the bits and pieces of me. It’s the concise version but I have 30 more days to fill in the gaps. Here’s a list of what’s coming up:

  1. Introduction
  2. 20 Facts About Me
  3. Meaning of My Business Name
  4. Earliest Childhood Memory
  5. My Guilty Pleasure
  6. 3 Personality Traits I am Proud of
  7. 10 Favorite Foods
  8. Old Photo of Me
  9. Piercings and Tattoos?
  10. First Celebrity Crush
  11. Most Proud Moment
  12. If I Won the Lottery…
  13. Favorite Quote
  14. What is in My Handbag?
  15. Timeline of My Day
  16. Dream Job
  17. Favorite Childhood Book
  18. What am I Afraid of?
  19. My Worst Habits
  20. Where I Want to be in 10 Years
  21. Something I Miss
  22. 10 Favorite Songs
  23. Pet Peeves
  24. A Difficult Time in My Life
  25. Best Physical Features
  26. 5 Favorite Blogs
  27. What Makes Me Feel Better, Always
  28. Last Time I Cried
  29. Top Things on My Bucket List
  30. Favorite Comfort Food
  31. Weird Quirk of Mine




  1. I have absolutely no idea of what you mean when you’re talking about failure and defeat in your life. It sounds to me like your life is pretty well guided by your faith, solid like a rock. I don’t think baptism, numerous times gets you to a place by the throne. I was baptized as an infant in the Old Apostolic faith, I was also baptized in a nondenominational church, in a tank of water, but I truly believe I was baptized when I asked the Lord to come into my heart take control of my life.

    The bills are killing everyone, but I have found no correlation between happiness and having a lot of money in the bank. Happiness comes from having no bill collectors knocking on your door, or filling your mailbox with bills. We all make the decisions that have a very profound effect on our daily lives. We have found that trusting the Lord with our tithe, He takes care of us all the time, we have a piece that surpasses all understanding, far as I’m concerned. I certainly hope we can keep it that way.

    From what I have read of your writing. It appears to me you’re well on your way to being a very successful writer. I know everybody won’t get rich blogging, I blog to keep my mind occupied. I don’t think about pain constantly. All I can say is I enjoyed your blog and wish you and your family all the best. I do believe with your degrees and your abilities, they will take very good care of you for the rest of your days, along with the Lord’s guiding hand and GRACE.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s