Lately I’ve been skipping out on writing because I seem to always get the feeling that what I want to write won’t be brilliant enough. Is it just me? For some reason, I just feel like I can’t wrap my head around what it is I want to put on here, and once I convince myself that it will suck anyway, I’ll end up spending the next hour thinking about how I could have put it into words. Never makes it on the page though.
It’s really getting annoying. What I mean is I’m really starting to annoy myself.
I’ve done this before so it’s not like I don’t know how. I created a blog, posted to it almost everyday, had people following and liking and all kinds of stuff. Then our crazy move across the country occurred and I came back and just deleted all of it!
I gave up. I’d decided to move on.
Yet, there has not been any moving on.
I’m on hold in a big way.
And this week…has just added to the frustration of it all.
For a minute there, I thought I was finally starting to shed some of this crusty monkey feeling I’ve had, but now I’m not so sure. I think I’ve actually added a layer or two to my crustiness.
I’m on here right now, writing this in an effort to salvage something…that thing inside me that tells me to get this stuff out of my head. My brain is overflowing with questions.
Is this my “calling” or just a hobby? Is it what I should be doing or not? Can I really go “all in” like I feel I could/should? Can I use this gift/talent/education to its fullest and really make things better? Not just for me but for others?
I need a big fat neon sign to tell me what I need to know. I happen to work in a sign shop…unfortunately though, they don’t do neon signs…